Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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