I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
