Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
