but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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