There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
