My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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