Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
