How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
