Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
