____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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