please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
