I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
