At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
