No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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