Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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