Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.

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(607): I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them. http://tfl.nu/ng5q

Replies (9) Good night (3037) Bad night (892)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.

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(615): drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked. http://tfl.nu/g4y8

Replies (45) Good night (1751) Bad night (9724)
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(972): View more from Texas

Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"

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(972): Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88" http://tfl.nu/q0w3

Replies (58) Good night (4929) Bad night (790)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air

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(952): You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air http://tfl.nu/002i

Replies (6) Good night (1405) Bad night (4050)
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(906): View more from Michigan

How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?

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(906): How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum? http://tfl.nu/z56i

Replies (56) Good night (1166) Bad night (9920)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout

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(612): So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout http://tfl.nu/u300

Replies (6) Good night (2659) Bad night (1187)
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(519): View more from Ontario

DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

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(519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw

Replies (16) Good night (6328) Bad night (1123)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.

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(609): At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared. http://tfl.nu/jdkh

Replies (8) Good night (2994) Bad night (1106)
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(815): View more from Illinois

Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.

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(815): Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool. http://tfl.nu/9aum

Replies (12) Good night (3263) Bad night (1131)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.

(580): View more from Oklahoma

....this is what your political science major is getting you?

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(405): New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot. (580): ....this is what your political science major is getting you? http://tfl.nu/c72s

Replies (8) Good night (2290) Bad night (705)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?

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(715): Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend? http://tfl.nu/ol2o

Replies (7) Good night (1523) Bad night (641)
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(+49): View more from Germany

I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka

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(+49): I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka http://tfl.nu/jrp7

Replies (4) Good night (1821) Bad night (954)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic

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(608): My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic http://tfl.nu/so38

Replies (13) Good night (1544) Bad night (609)
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(678): View more from Georgia

ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do

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(678): ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do http://tfl.nu/pgwu

Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (1097)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up

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(910): Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up http://tfl.nu/ud32

Replies (5) Good night (341) Bad night (679)

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