Texts From Last Night

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  (904): View more from Florida

  Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.

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  (904): Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone. http://tfl.nu/zr80
  Replies (9) Good night (2994) Bad night (1342) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.

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  (330): Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like. http://tfl.nu/uplz
  Replies (5) Good night (3427) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

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  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5534) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

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  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (3937) Bad night (1670) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.

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  (360): He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him. http://tfl.nu/cio0
  Replies (28) Good night (4292) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.

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  (360): I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer. http://tfl.nu/agxw
  Replies (4) Good night (2116) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
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  (661): View more from California

  What a dumb baby whore.

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  (661): What a dumb baby whore. http://tfl.nu/17ck
  Replies (4) Good night (1163) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.

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  (605): Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min. http://tfl.nu/hu1g
  Replies (2) Good night (1170) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.

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  (507): You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face. http://tfl.nu/rpml
  Replies (12) Good night (487) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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  (609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw
  Replies (2) Good night (1705) Bad night (400)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.

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  (615): Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy. http://tfl.nu/d7gm
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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  (509): I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin. http://tfl.nu/0dob
  Replies (11) Good night (1023) Bad night (501)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.

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  (214): Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again. http://tfl.nu/x4c6
  Replies (2) Good night (719) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Not as covert as you thought huh?

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  (740): Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years (614): Not as covert as you thought huh? http://tfl.nu/u7wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1067) Bad night (381)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.

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  (719): If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget. http://tfl.nu/97vy
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (252) Order T-Shirt

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