Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels