Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.