i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?