I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
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Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants