You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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