Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.

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(314): View more from Missouri

She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(248): View more from Michigan

we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?

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(786): View more from Florida

If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok

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(914): View more from New York

low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..

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(949): View more from California

this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity

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