im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
