Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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