First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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