I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
