guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
