Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
