Just fell off a train. Bad.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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