What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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