Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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