Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
