I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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