It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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