On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
