Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
