Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
