fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
