I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
