I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
