I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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