it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
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We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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