Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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