i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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