Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
