I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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