life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize