Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
