Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
