So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
