If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
