So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
