i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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