Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
