I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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