dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
