She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
