when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Found the puke drawer
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
