you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I believe in your delicious
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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