i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
