Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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