Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
