i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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