If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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