If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
