dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize