I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
