Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
