you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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