In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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